Piss off grandma

So i’m catching my lunch break at wendy’s and about to leave when my cell rings. It’s the receptionist at my office asking me to pick up a to-go order for some co-workers. So I take a place at the back of the line. Now keep in mind it’s lunch time so there’s plenty of people ahead of me and I’m near the door.  As the recptionist finishes telling me what I need to order the door swings open and an elderly couple enters taking the place in line behind me. In one ear I hear ” and a large iced tea” and in the other ear I hear ” god damn kids, come to wendy’s to eat not make a phone call”

My brain snaps.

See I’ve got this credo I try to live by, and when ever possible try and enforce upon others when I feel they are breaking it. It’s simple really.

Don’t fuck with strangers, you don’t know what kind of nut you might be pissing off.

Only because the wendys is already crowded with the elderly and I don’t particularly feel like brawling an entire shuffleboard league do i not spin like a fucking spider monkey on grandma pisspants behind me and bark in my greatest Rommel impression.

” FUCK YOU wrinklebag! I don’t need any gruff from someone who couldn’t even dial my cellphone if she had to because she’d fallen  and broken her Life Alert medallion!!!”

My mind reels with images of stomping dentures on the curb outside,  I am so angry I can’t react in time. So I just turn, cellphone still to my ear and give her the eye. I am unsure if she notices because she’s only 4 feet tall and her neck no longer bends the direction it would require to see my face. Now I’m an angry fuck, but I’m not a villain. I WOULD have been justified telling Aunt May to back her asshole onto a doorknob, but I didn’t.

I hope she ordered the chili.

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2 Responses to “Piss off grandma”

  1. Alex … you seem more of a writer than a musician (not fair because the two intertwine). Yet your prose is excellent. Some of the best I’ve read. Doing a piece on Wendy’s is truly inspirational. You have a true talent for words and expressing yourself. Yeah, life is fucked up, but you seemingly have a calm (and funny) way of channeling your anger.

  2. Bill McFuckpants Says:

    She’d have appreciated a good curb stomping over the chili.

    I say you order a cup, eat it, then shit in her mouth.

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